Walk the Thought

think it: walk it

Lizzie Velasquez: so inspiring!

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I wasn’t going to write a post tonight but after seeing Lizzie’s video which was tweeted by a friend of mine, I had to share it.  I hadn’t heard of her before today but I was so moved by the strength of her resilience.  She has such an important lesson to teach us about overcoming adversity and the choices you must make in the face of it.  Enjoy…

 

You can visit Lizzie’s website at http://www.aboutlizzie.com/

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Talking of personal responsibility…

“[…] everything can be taken from a man but one last thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

(Frankl: 2008)

I first read this quote a few years ago. I had bought myself a book called, ‘Water Off a Duck’s Back: How to Deal with Frustrating Situations, Awkward, Exasperating and Manipulative People and… Keep Smiling!’ by Jon Lavelle. I bought this book because I had a boss at the time that I found awkward, exasperating, and definitely manipulative so this book seemed quite a find! The book was okay, but it was Viktor Frankl’s quote that the book referenced which set me on a path to a new way of thinking.

For those of you who might be unfamiliar with his work, Viktor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist who survived imprisonment in concentration camps during WWII. The above quote is from his book, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ (I really suggest you read it) and it concentrates on mapping the different stages of the prisoners’ mental states whilst being held in camps. In his book, Frankl talks of the men in his hut, who despite losing everything – possessions, family, health, physical freedom and who had faced daily and relentless degradation, continued to comfort others and share what little food they had.

Frankl’s quote resonated with me above everything else I read in Lavelle’s book. The idea that you could choose your attitude when confronted with adversity was a revelation to me (I feel a little embarrassed by this admission now), surely people make you feel a certain with how they treat you? In the situation I faced with my boss at the time, my emotions would range on a daily basis from anger, to anxiety, to depression and she was making me feel that way with how she treated me. At least that’s was I believed up until the point at which I read Frankl’s words; according to him I could choose my attitude and what better authority could I read those words from? It seemed easier said than done to me but I was determined to find out how I could learn to choose my reactions in a way that was more healthy for me.

It has been a journey learning to live Frankl’s philosophy. In response to the situation with my boss at the time, I decided to take Maya Angelou’s advise first which is, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” I changed my situation and left my job as a teacher and undertook training in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT teaches us that we are responsible for our emotions; not events or other people’s behaviour but our own beliefs that we can change with support and practice. So that’s was I do now, as a cognitive behavioural coach, I help people to take personal responsibility and change their attitude and at the same time, I have learnt to change mine.

Who do you blame when things go wrong?

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A few months ago, I attended a lecture given by Dr Raj Persaud, a Consultant Psychiatrist based in London. The subject of his lecture was motivation; a subject that links nicely to my post yesterday. Yesterday I spoke about the importance of considering the sacrifices you will need to make in the pursuit of your New Year’s resolution; if you want something badly enough, a good measure of your motivation is to think about what comforts you are willing to give up in order to achieve your goal.

Dr Persaud began his lecture by showing the audience a clip from Rocky Balboa (2006) in which Rocky’s son complains that sharing the ‘Balboa’ name has been difficult to live with and warns Rocky of the negative impact his impending fight will have on his own career. Rocky hits back at his son’s words with a humbling reminder of the virtues of personal responsibility and the importance of fighting on when things go wrong.

After we watched the clip, Dr Persaud explained that when it comes to motivation, there are two personality types: internalities and externalities. Individuals with internalities are those who are more likely to enjoy success in life because when something goes wrong, they will look first of all at what they could have done differently. Individuals with externalities are those who are less likely to enjoy success in life because when something goes wrong, they will look first of all at other individuals or events to blame.

Internalities, when exercising personal responsibility, have power.  They have power because if they find the fault with themselves, they can set about changing the fault, learn from their mistake and move forwards.

Externalities lack self awareness and the ability to exercise personal responsibility. By blaming other individuals or events, they are powerless as the ability to change these factors is outside their direct control. They will find themselves wallowing in self-pity and anger and will ultimately hold themselves back just as Rocky’s son would have done.

So when you face the first hurdle on your journey to fulfilling your New Year’s Resolution, or any goal for that matter (and you will face hurdles), think about which personality type you fit into: are you an internality or and externality?